Kids say the Darndest Things

I have kids and they are a hoot. Being a conscientious parent, I try to explain the world to them as they ask about it and break down complex issues into something they can understand. They often quip funny, poignant and wise in response. Wondering about the war in Afghanistan, my 10 year old asks me several questions. I launch into a 10 minute speech on why we have a war, what is the point, and some of the players involved and a brief history we’ve been there his entire life! As is my custom, I try to be civil even when talking about the parts that I heartily disagree. At the end of my speech my son screws his face up, shakes his head, and says, “Why isn’t Obama an activist yet?”


Our family is for peace and it is hard for any of us to understand why we are in Afghanistan. Obama’s photo op, speech, and gesture of solidarity with Karzai made it clear that he is not planning on getting us out of there on his watch. Sometimes kids are the ones who point out the obvious.

Enjoy these quips from the mouths of babes. They’ll be taking care of us soon.

“Mom, did you know it’s a well know fact that presidential candidates are addicted to eating their own boogers? They keep a secret stash behind their ears. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

“Ok. Now pay attention… My people are set up over here and your people are set up over there. If your people break the rules then my people can sue your people.”

“Mom, did you know that there was some guy named James Buchanan that was President a long time ago? If you don’t know a lot about him, it’s ok. He wasn’t that good anyway.” 

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email.”

“Why don’t they just do what they did in 1899?” — On preparing for Y2K in 1999.

“I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?”

“Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

“It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.”

“Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.

“For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

“When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.

“I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” Unless it was just a lawn mower.”

“As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you’ll have a couple of days saved up.”

Thanks to,,


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